Wednesday, 8 September 2021

Fragments of Greek Comedy (after A.E. Housman)

Aristocrates fr. 69 Kock = Bollux ix.21

[And looking for a wool-tufted stopper for my asshole]

A grater, a frying-pan, and drinking instead from 

a wooden cup, for Thrassa fell on the goblets 

and smashed them. Just the other day she scorched

the new pot Philocerce had from Corinth

She should give thanks that I do not sell her

to the Dogfox

***

Menodyoboulon fr. 2 Meineke = Athenaeus 17.896f

A: When I was your age, you could give your 

slave boy six obols and send him to the fishmarket

and he would bring back a hemiektos of gorgon-headed sprats,

a basket of well-hung Copaic eels, two swift coming tunnyfish steaks,

†wrestling schools† and carrying it all himself

he would still have one obol in his mouth

and another clenched tightly between his cheeks

B: Not throwing a dinner party for Dinarchus

were you?

A:        No by Zeus, but for Hypereides!

***

Philander fr. 332 = Poxy 1341.2 

A: What are you saying? I don't believe you

This can't be true, oh what shall I do?

You mean to say that my son, my clever

Xylinous has fallen in love with that girl Laikastridia?

B: That's the truth master, why would I lie to you?

A: So it seems all mortals must suffer

We try and act as best we can but fate has other plans

How can my son be in love with a woman?

B: Try and calm down master, it is only natural after all.

Weren't you the same when you were a young man?

A: Well when you put it like that, I have had a complete 

change of heart, I can't even remember what it is

I was so angry about, to think I was going to turn them

both out of house, no, no not at all. 

We must have a wedding at once! There must be torches,

garlands, flute players. Quick, go down to the market 

at once and hire out a whole army of cooks!

***

'An indeterminate little man with a scraggy moustache'


Read the original here


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